As regular readers of my blog will know, me and Dane recently bought our first house together, woohoo! Of course with buying any home or even living in one you need to decorate it as and how you want it/need it. Of course we had zero furniture inside the house (other than the built in wardrobes) so we were in need of a lot of bits and pieces.
Now I know people get so damn excited when you announce you’re going to IKEA, but it really isn’t that exciting when you have a lot of stuff to buy and not a lot of money… I love reading list posts so I thought I would create my own for this topic! 😛
- You get really excited on the way to IKEA, talking to your fellow IKEA companion about how excited you are to walk around the showroom, and sit in the made up parts of the house and pretend they’re your house.
- You also discuss whether or not you’ll visit the cafe for the meatballs or go get a hot dog and an ice cream from the takeaway section. This is a tough choice, but hot dog and ice cream always usually tend to win! You may be feeling fancy and have both.
- You finally arrive and as usual it is rammed. You search for ages to try and get a good spot by the doors. You’re here for a BIG shop and want to make sure you don’t have to push the dreaded trolley(s) for too long if they’re going to be covered in brown boxes.
- You wait in the huge queue for your hot dog and ice cream. BEST £1.10 I EVER SPENT!
- Every time being given the hard choices of strawberry, chocolate, or no sauce. Always chocolate. Always.
- Finally your belly is satisfied and it is time to shop. You have a list either in hand on paper (the old fashioned way), your iPhone’s notes or via the IKEA app. When a member of staff stops you to ask if you’re having a nice day and wish to join the IKEA Family. You politely say no, too busy with your head in your list to really care until you hear “You get free coffee in the cafe and a free gift!” SOLD GIMME A CARD. GIMME NOW!!!
- After being taken over to a screen to sign up for said family card (even though it’s just you and your boyfriend, friend, etc) you’re excited to find out what you can get free that day. Maybe that new desk and desk chair you have your eye on!
- Then you are full of emotions, anger, disappointed, distraught when you are told you will get to choose from three things, none of your dream items being any of them. Fuck.
- Finally you’re on your way to going to the showroom to sit, stroke, and wish all of the items in there are yours.
- Then you start to wonder if you could maybe live here and hide out in one of the showrooms. Imagine all the adventures you could have?!
- Why did we have to come to IKEA during the kid’s holidays and on a weekend? Fuck my life it’s rammed and there are kids running around everywhere!
- Finally it goes quiet and you can peacefully sit in one of the showrooms and wonder whether to buy the cabinet for the TV in brown, or black. The choices, the choices.
- Then when you finally decide on a colour you can’t decide what design you want and have a mini argument in the middle of the bookcases section (this actually happened with me and Dane!).
- After sitting on various things, admiring pieces you would like to soon enough buy (but not today because money), and jotting down or taking pictures of shelf numbers you finally head to the market hall so you can start shopping!
- You make sure to grab a trolley, because last time you didn’t and you had to walk ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE START to get one.
- You pick up all sorts of things including a drinking glass with a flamingo on it (come on who doesn’t like flamingos), some martini glasses (for when the girls are over and you have to drink your gin and tonic out of something classy whilst you watch Bridget Jones and Sex and The City), and of course you can’t leave without picking up loads of scented candles! Yankee are good, but they’re hella expensive and sometimes you just want to burn something everyday that won’t make your wallet cry.
- You get to the warehouse section and you know this is where shit gets real! You need to start lifting big heavy flat pack boxes onto the crappy flat trolley that IKEA expect you to use. God help you if you are on your own!
- You end up picking up so much stuff you need to get another trolley.
- Yay another trolley can fuck about on it and play on it, even though it says not to on a sticker on the trolley itself.
- Oh look, said trolley has a wonky wheel. OH GREAT WHY HAVE I GOT THIS DEVIL TROLLEY?! NOW I CANNOT SKATEBOARD ON IT!
- Must have a look at the bargain section incase the chest of drawers I just struggled to pick up, place and maneuver on this wonky as hell trolley are cheaper by £100!
- Alas they do have the chest of drawers in the sale section! Was as excited as a kid in a toy shop and about to take the flat pack boxes back to their section until you see a child sneeze on their hand and wipe the snot from hand onto said chest of drawers… Never mind then, I bet they were damaged and shit anyway!
- Now you have all your goods you have nothing more to do than pay. You wait in the queue for a maximum of five minutes and it’s your turn to be seen to.
- What is the first thing wrong that you have done? You haven’t faced all the bar codes the same way and make the poor IKEA customer sales assistants job harder than it needs to. SHIT! You apologise 100 times and the girl serving you is nice about it.
- You feel great, you have all the items you came for and hoped to leave with… Then you hear how much it costs. “That will be £558 then please.” What is that I heard? My heart? Dropping? Oh surely not? Fuck my life I NOW HAVE NO MONEY! But at least I have some fabulous looking furniture!
- For a moment you think about how skint you now are, only to be presented by the glorious sight that you decided to venture to before your IKEA adventure began… The hot dog and ice cream stand. Do you be a greedy bastard and have another hot dog or ice cream? OH GO ON THEN! You go for the latter, and have chocolate sauce AGAIN. Oh this is what makes the IKEA trip so much sweeter!
- After pushing that wonky as hell trolley and having to make sure none of the flat packages doesn’t slide off you finally get to the car. Oh sweet relief! You are just one step further to being done with this.
- Until you realise the majority of the flat packages you bought are huge and won’t fit in your car without putting them in at weird angles. You scream, “OH MY GOD WHY DID WE NOT GET THIS STUFF DELIVERED?” only to realise it would have cost money to have stuff delivered, and you have zero funds after four ice creams, two hot dogs, and shit loads of furniture.
- FINALLY after loads of patience and an invisible degree in Tetris you manage to get everything into the back of your car and you’re now ready to head home. Phew at least you burnt off all that food after the amount of effort that just went into that jigsaw puzzle.
- You’re happy, poor but happy. You have everything you wanted to get, managed to get it into your car, got to have some yummy treats for cheaps from IKEA, and you’re on the way home. Only for it to suddenly dawn on you… Now you have to put ALL THAT STUFF TOGETHER! #fuckmylifeimpoorandallihavetoshowforitissomeflatcrapihavetobuild #someonesendreinforcements
SO that was my list post about IKEA and how dreadful the shop can be! I kid it isn’t really that bad… Unless you’ve spent as much as me and Dane have the past month. We are very poor to say the least, but it’s so damn worth it in the long run.
I already know that I’ll be having another IKEA list post up on my blog soon. One about building all that flat pack furniture! However, I won’t be writing this post up, Dane will. It would be full of lies if I wrote it as Dane built most of the furniture as I kept losing my temper… Ha! 😛
So what do you think about IKEA? Have you ever had to do this sort of trip? Do you have any funny IKEA stories to share? Please share them with me on the comments down below!
Until next time, take care all and I hope you’re having a lovely week so far.