I feel so fucking old. 10 years ago I was 17. This time last year I was in my first year of college, approaching the summer holidays and getting ready to go into my second year. Life was great but around July/August time shit hit the fan and the end of 2007 was crazy.
This was the year that I changed and it was a mixture of for the good and not so much for the good. I’ve wanted to write this post for a while now but meh I always write notes on it and lose them. I’m just going to write it straight onto here now, then I can’t make up excuses that I’ve lost the notes. 😛
Warning, there might be some upsetting topics mentioned at times in this post, but nothing TOO serious. 🙂
- Your college friends suck. We know this and you deserve so much more. But you’ll meet one of your best friends this year so don’t panic! You’ll make more friends and ones who treat you with respect.
- College sucks, honestly it does. University will be amazing and you’ll have the time of your life!
- Your mental health is bad right now, but it’ll be okay. You’ll get some help and from it you’ll grow stronger as a person. You have yourself to thank later as well as some old friends from the website we do not speak of.
- Your style isn’t exactly amazing, but fuck it! It’s your style and if you like what you wear then sod it! Those white high tops you love to rock? You keep fucking rocking them. You’ll still own a pair 10 years later. You’ll also still wear all your geeky slogan tees and black skinny fit jeans.
- Oh by the way, you still own your black and red checkered Vans… Your 27 year old self is a fucking legend.
- Be prepared. Later on this year you’ll lose your virginity… But sadly it comes at a cost. You’ll lose it to someone horrible.
- In turn you’ll have a month of emotional abuse, as well as other things. You’ll get through it and luckily it won’t mess you up sexually. If anything you’ll just see it as a bad experience and explore your sexuality more over the next 10 years.
- Yes, you hate that your eyebrows are thick, black and are constantly commented on. BUT don’t touch them brows girl. Mom is right! Someone called Cara Delevingne will emerge eventually and big dark brows will be in. They’re in 10 years later and people pay big money to get them tattooed on and for eyebrow pencils, stencils, etc etc. Keep rocking what you were born with. People will be jealous.
- In 10 years you’ll meet one of your childhood heroes, Jesse Margera. You’ll shake and be nervous as hell but love it all the same! What? You don’t believe me? Fuck you then. Wait and see! 😛
- One of the girls you occasionally talk to on the website we do not speak of will become your best friend.
- One of the locations you film a project for for college will be the place you eventually move and buy your first home at.
- You do some pretty bad things later on in the year. You drink a lot and take drugs. This is just a phase and it passes eventually. Thankfully quickly enough that it doesn’t become something worse or a habit.
- You have a secret thing for Japanese things, including anime and manga. You don’t know anyone else who loves these things. Just be patient, those people will come along soon.
- Don’t think about dying sweetheart. I know it hard and it’s something you’ll continue to do for a long time, but try not to. Things seem worse than they actually are, but you’ll get through it all.
- You’ll get into your first relationship this year! YAY! It’s good but sadly it isn’t forever. You’ll understand why, but just remember. Let go of the things you love if they don’t make you happy.
- Thanks to studying media you’ll learn that you love to write. Don’t let go of that hobby! It’ll get you places.
- Finally don’t think that you’ll be alone forever, because you won’t. A couple of guys will turn you down telling you you’re ugly, fat, a loser. You’re none of those things! Sadly due to those things you end up with low self esteem, anxiety and possibly a minor eating disorder. Fuck those guys because you were too damn good for them all anyway. I know it hurts when you look up into the sky and wonder, “Where is he? I just want someone to love me for who I am.” He’s waiting out there for you and he’s thinking the exact same thing as you are. He’s not even the person you meet later on this year. You won’t meet him until you’re 23. But he’ll be worth the wait, trust me.
So that was the 17 things I would say to my 17 year old self.
The main thing I remember from 2007 was just what a crazy year it was. I discovered a lot about myself and I grew up quite a lot. It was also one of the worst years of my life and I’m so glad I managed to get through it. I knew some shitty people from my college course and after I fell out with them I befriended a group of people in college who were just as bad as the classmates, if not worse. They were scummy and the kind of bunch you would find on a Jeremy Kyle episode. I took the whole thing as a massive lesson.
Sadly due to what happened during my first year of college I developed depression and anxiety, as well as low self esteem due to how people picked on me for how I looked. I wasn’t a pretty teenager. I had loads of spots, thick eyebrows and I dressed like a boy. That was just who I was! I hadn’t yet really discovered who I was and I was stuck in a sort of limbo. I only really discovered who I was in my final year of university, if not after when I finished!
Sometimes we forget how hard it is being a teenager and I can only imagine now with social media being bigger and available to us 24/7 and from a few clicks on our mobile phones I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like for teenagers today.
I honestly wish I could go back in time and speak to my teenage self. She always felt so alone and different. She thought the people who DID understand her were her friends, when in reality they were just using her for their own entertainment. One word, cunts.
That being said I think I grew stronger as a person, as well as very bitter towards people. I take people with a pinch of salt now until I get to know them better to judge whether I trust them or not. At the same time if people piss me off I usually tell them how it is and where to go. That’s just what I’ve learnt is best to do from years of taking shit from people and trying to be nice. 😛
OKAY RANT OVER!
P.S. Those are the only two decent pictures of 17 year old me I could find. 😛
What would you tell yourself 10 years ago? Please let me know in the comments!
Until next time take care all and I hope you have a lovely weekend.