This is the first time in probably ever where I can’t even come up with a title for it. Not that that’s anything important or different BUT FUCK. It’s like writing an essay for school and you can’t possibly start it until you have the witty as hell title to kick you off.
I can’t just wait though to come up with the witty title for this post. I need to just write it and get it over with and THEN I can come up with my witty and awesome as fuck title.
This isn’t my usual sort of blog post but it’s a topic I’ve wanted to write about for ages now. I’m 27, going on 28 in less than 200 days (at the time of writing this post it was 173 days…) and I’m getting old. That isn’t the problem though. Getting old is inevitable and whilst that scares me, it’s going to happen and I need to just man up and accept that.
BUT and it’s a big one, I’m getting older and due to that it’s time to start thinking about the future. Mine and Dane’s future. It’s all well and good talking about when we’ll add a fluffy baby into our lives, but it’s scary thinking about when we’ll actually decide on having a baby together.
Due to my mental health right now I often say to myself that I don’t want children, but deep down I really do. I want my own little mixture of me and Dane depending on me for love and affection and looking hella cute whilst doing it. I want a little ginger girl who I can call a cute name and have everyone go mushy over.
But I don’t want that yet. I remember when I was 17 saying to everyone how I wanted a baby in 10 years from then. So my 17 year old self wanted me at this moment in time to be carrying and getting ready to pop out a mini me. Erm sorry 17 year old self but you can piss off. 😛
I want to start a family with Dane ideally when we’re 30/29 or 31/30. My brother started his family at this age and it always looked a good age to start to me. Me and Dane have both said we won’t start a family until we’ve visited Japan, this is both one of our biggest life goals alongside having children and buying our own home. That may not seem important to a lot of people, but it really is to us. Japan is so much to us both.
SOOOOO I’m sure you’re thinking right now, “Nat if you know you don’t want to have a baby yet then why are you stressing about it?”
Well the simple answer is because it seems to me that EVERYONE is having babies right now! Every other day I read how someone I know or know through the world of blogging is pregnant and it’s just making me think about my own future.
Will I ever be ready to have a baby? What if I’m not? Would I ending up becoming pregnant to make Dane happy and because it’s the “done” thing?
For years on and off I’ve either wanted to have a baby or I haven’t. For at least 3 years in my first relationship the thought of being pregnant made me feel physically sick and I never ever felt broody. Not even when looking at baby clothes in the Disney Store.
Now is different. It’s not a case that I don’t want a baby in the future because I can’t stand kids. It’s more I’m scared about all of the sacrifices the female body makes to carry that little baby. Your body is never the same again and neither is your life. I don’t mean to make it sound bad, because I know eventually it’s all worth it.
Due to my mental health though I worry that I would end up with post natal depression. I had that sort of feeling after buying the house for fuck sake, so how would I be after having a baby?!
I know I have at least 2-3 years to prepare myself for this big choice and decision in life but it’s scary. They say that after you have children nothing is the same again. I don’t want to worry that when me and Dane have children that “nothing will be the same” I want things to be exactly the same but just with an awesome new addition. That just makes having children sound so damn negative and it isn’t!
Going back to the broody stuff, I don’t get broody still. I never have really. I love seeing mine and Dane’s friends babies and toddlers, I love holding them and taking pictures of them for the new parents. BUT I don’t get broody!
The only thing I seem to get broody for is the next lot of Pokemon merchandise I can buy, or the newest Nendoroid.
I am officially broody over geeky and Japanese things. What the fuck?! 😛
If I do get broody IN ANY WAY SHAPE OR FORM it’ll be about cute baby pieces in the Disney Store or imagining how cute mine and Dane’s baby would look.
Another way I get broody is thinking about how I would tell everyone that I’m pregnant. I’d want to do something unique and different instead of the traditional scan picture and “OH MY GOD I’M PREGNANT!”
If there is any age of a baby that does make me broody though, it’s the toddler age where they’re starting to get chubby and cute.
Ha I just came up with the title for this post. Does that mean it’s over? Possibly.
I do apologise for such a different post from usual but it’s something I have wanted to write about for a while and get it off of my chest. It’s a topic that I think about a lot right now, at least twice a day. Does this mean I want a baby? I hope not… Not right now anyway! 😛
ALSO to clarify I have NOTHING against anyone I know who is pregnant and expecting right now. If anything I am excited for all of those people. Just it isn’t for me right now.
What are your thoughts on the future and having babies? Have or are you feeling the same as I am right now? Please let me know in the comments!
Until next time, take care all and I hope you’re all having a great week.